Here comes a poem ~
I have no idea what I am going to write
but here goes...
My new reality.
My new life.
How do you like your life?
Tough times for everyone these days.
My new reality includes many things
needles, chemotherapy, so much medication.
Getting used to side effects
bruises, foggy head, meds to get rid of the foggy head,
forget it ~ I don't even want to go there.
My new reality is one I have to accept
and I hate it. Yup, I said it. The optimist ~
I hate my new reality.
Not only do I have to accept it ~
I have to get used to it, abide by it, obey my body
I know what will happen if I don't ~
I see my future ~ My mom is in a nursing home
since she was 59. She still doesn't obey her body.
That can't be me. I am 43.
Lost two careers so far. Both companies said I wasn't sick.
So no money either.
At least my old reality was prosperous, so I saved.
Saved for my kids education, for my retirement.
I guess, I saved for my new reality.
My New Reality is sitting on a heating pad all day.
Not able to visit my mom, or friends, for heaven's sake.
Not supposed to do stuff around the house either, or I'll get worse.
But how much can be stripped away
Until I have nothing left. Nothing. No joy.
I pray for others every day, I pray that this process works.
The meds work. They are starting to.
I thought last week was a breakthrough. Nope.
Thank God I have a beautiful home, because I am here all the time.
I feel I limit my families life. Their new reality.
I hope my words help someone not feel alone.
Perhaps helps a loved one understand what we may not be able to express.
I have to get this out or I am afraid I will explode.
Anger is brewing, frustration, am I going to get better?
Is it worth it to take this poison shot every week, feel sick,
go backwards...only to get a little bit better?
God help me, I hope so
I just don't know how to accept
My New Reality.