"Live life on purpose ~ not by accident" ~ Alicia

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."
-- Author Unknown

"A laugh is a smile that bursts.” ~ Mary H. Waldrip

"Set your goals high and don't be deterred by those who say it is impossible." ~ Steve Fossett

"Our Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless."
Jamie Paolinetti

"A day without laughter ~ is a day wasted"
Charlie Chaplin

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

"Gratitude is an inner smile shared" ~ Alicia

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I am scared ~ yup, I said it.

Hello my friends ~
as I sit here in my rocking chair
as usual...
I am supposed to feel hope.
But I don't.

I should feel excited ~ 
but I'm not.

It would be great if I were grateful
but I am pissed off.

What is up with me?
The four letter word.

Sure I write about thriving
living life with everything you have.
But today...I am afraid.

Everyone around me says
"it's only an infusion"
but they take Advil.
I take many pills a day 
plus inject live proteins.

Sure, I should be honored that researchers
are trying to cure my disease...
but my RA is eating me alive.
Bone by bone
ligament by ligament.

Nothing has worked so far.
Now I can't even use my hands for yoga.
Now I must do Chair yoga - 
I should be grateful I can modify again...
but not today.
Not now.

Gotta get ready to go to Boston
Try my fourth drug ...
the infusion...
and be happy about it ~ 
everyone else is.

I just want to get out of this eff'ing 
Rocking chair
and join my family.

Please work, Lord
Oh, God, let this one work.

Healing hugs,