"Live life on purpose ~ not by accident" ~ Alicia

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."
-- Author Unknown

"A laugh is a smile that bursts.” ~ Mary H. Waldrip

"Set your goals high and don't be deterred by those who say it is impossible." ~ Steve Fossett

"Our Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless."
Jamie Paolinetti

"A day without laughter ~ is a day wasted"
Charlie Chaplin

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

"Gratitude is an inner smile shared" ~ Alicia

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Prisoner in my own Body ©

How do you become a prisoner in your own body? I am not sure how it happened, but it did. Over time my life as I knew it was slipping away from me And was becoming smaller and smaller. My mind had so much on it ~ so many plans, dreams, goals But my body was struggling to keep up. Even when I was doing my old regular workouts, years ago... My sentence began ~ it was like I was on house arrest. I was so ambitious and took on great careers that were taxing Physically and mentally ~ but I could handle it, for a while ~ If I pushed. Loving my family and my career has always been a balance ~ Constantly striving to learn more and better myself ~ but this sentence was nagging at me, slowing me down. Sometimes stopping me. At first, I would just give up working out ~ then I realized I had to do that to stay well. Parts of my workout ended ~ riding my bike. New ones started. Yoga. Then I had to give up getting up to see my kids off in the morning. This is probrably The strongest sentence the judge has given me. I still can’t forgive myself for that. I enjoyed getting up and making my kids healthy breakfasts everyday ~ Walking or driving them to school. I haven’t been able to that for 7 years. I am embarrased about that. My kids say it’s ok Mom. I handled soccer ok ~ but sometimes I’d have to leave if it got too hot Or if I was too tired. I pushed the judge to go to every game...and there were a lot of them ;) A lot of JOY. Handling my careers ~ I just had to, I was a mom, a provider ~ a tough cookie. I started to not be able to lift my bags ~ my hand was breaking ~ The sentence was stiffening. Then my shoulder - oh my shoulder - I worked on that thing - I yoga’d, pt’d, taped it - To no avail. Took time off of work - and they forced me out - my sentence began. And my shoulder was torn open ~ revealed...but not to the right eyes. My sentence was stiff, tough and painful. Nearly solitary ~ but with visitors. I couldn’t move much. Aha ~ but my brain still works just fine...and NOTHING will stop it. I will re-train, re-Group, re-focus and start a business ~ become a Life Coach! I sure did. Through the pain, the tears, the sling, the tape ~ I became a Certified Life Coach and started my own business. I thought everything would be fine ~ but I couldn’t recover ~ my sentence extended. My mind kept racing, working ~ trying to support my family. Nine months before I could do a full yoga class, but then I could do plank again! I was back. There was opportunity. It was just my shoulder, I mean...that was it...right? Another great opportunity - working everyday ~ coaching hundreds of people, wonderful people - and also developing my Teens Coaching program. I felt great. Or did I. The sentence was lurking behind me...now I felt the handcuffs on each joint ~ It ravaged me. Everyday I worked - my sentence got worse. My career was harder ~ The sentence became solitary. Until one day ~ my Doctor said ~” if you keep working ~ you will do more damage to your body. You can’t work ~ it is not healthy for you.” Day One of Hell. My second career lost ~ but they will be understanding. I am sick. Nope. Replaced. During this time of my sentence ~ all I wanted was the truth ~ The old saying is the truth shall set you free. For me, I needed answers. I needed Doctors that knew, that cared, that searched for what was wrong. I found him. I found them ~ in Boston. Freedom! I am free of my sentence of indeciveness! I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Whoa. Ok. That sucks. I mean, for real ~ read about it. It ain’t a nice disease. But, I am taking off the cuffs. Am I still a prisoner in my own body? Yes. I know why. Now I have to accept it.