"Live life on purpose ~ not by accident" ~ Alicia

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."
-- Author Unknown

"A laugh is a smile that bursts.” ~ Mary H. Waldrip

"Set your goals high and don't be deterred by those who say it is impossible." ~ Steve Fossett

"Our Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless."
Jamie Paolinetti

"A day without laughter ~ is a day wasted"
Charlie Chaplin

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

"Gratitude is an inner smile shared" ~ Alicia

Monday, October 25, 2010

Turning over a new leaf! A brightly colored Fall Leaf!©

My friends I am writing to you today about Gratitude.
"Gratitude...an inner smile shared" ~ Alicia Aho
I am smiling today...you know why? I felt nearly normal when
I woke up...the day after Jab day!
Ok, my friends will tell you, I am a little wacky and far from
normal. But beside my goofyness, I actually made it through
a weekly injection and wasn't up all night ill from it.
Friends, I slept through the night after the poison/cure!
Almost 5 months in, and I finally made it!
Now, who knows what the week will bring, but I want you all
to never give up. I sure don't. This is the toughest damn thing
I've had to deal with, but when I lose my sense of humor...forget it.
Like my last blog...I resorted to asking the Crazy 8 ball. Sometimes
you just want answers from anything...anyone.
This is what happened to get me here today. I talked to the "Big Guy"
before giving my injection yesterday...just a little pep talk. "Please
help me jab myself and help me tolerate this stuff, and maybe have
a decent week." (Last week I barely could leave the house...I was desperate!)
I. slept. like. a. baby. Like a little baby all cozy wrapped up in a blanket
with my favorite pillows! Ahhhhhh.... I think I may have that conversation
again! What do you think? Ever tried something different when the
same ol' same ol' didn't work. I did. And it worked!
So, My friends, I write to you today with a heart full of hope. HOPE. hope.
Wow. Gratitude is an inner smile shared. Picture this chick smiling to
all of you! All day long. Maybe, just maybe, we will win this battle...
One day at a time. But we have to do it together, with attitude, support,
love, hope, grateful hearts, lots of smiles and appreciation for the little
things in life. Life is for having FUN! I LOVE HAVING FUN, goofing
off, playing games, laughing...I am not giving up who I am...no way, no how!
So today, I turned over a new leaf! Mine is from the orangey - fire red trees!
Awhh....those trees are so beautiful right now. I am going to go find one
on my healing trail and save it to represent my new attitude of GRATITUDE.
Lots of healing hugs,
PS - write me anytime - I am here for you! Together, we will give each other
HOPE and smiles and laughter!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The varied shades of life ©

Hello my friends!
Hope you are well this week!
Autumn is in its full splendor
here in New England!
As I walk on my Healing Trail ~
everyday is a new journey.
no matter how long or short
my trip is...it is beautiful.
I've been getting a little used to
this up and down life of mine.
Kind of.
I heard someone read Dickens'
"It was the best of times...
it was the worse of times..."
I could really identify.
But to explain it ... well, I've been trying.
How am I doing?
Are you getting it?
I truly wake up everyday
and pray for the strength to be positive
to embrace whatever I have been blessed with.
To enjoy my moments...every one of them.
So far, so good.
It is a joy to shop for an hour with a friend!
To play cards with my son.
Sunday family dinners with all of us!
I am getting there!
Where, you say?
I don't know.
A little is given
A lot is taken.
I am reading "Eat Pray Love"
and there is a part about her needing to be in control.
She wants a date and time for when her situation is over.
Her friend says "you are a Control Freak"!
Yup, that is me.
I want to know when I am going to feel normal.
Ok...now I know I won't, I have a new normal...
so, when is that going to be ok?
And when can I consistently have a life?
Make plans and keep them?
Wake up and not be stiff and in pain all day?
Do yoga again and know how far I can walk?
Tell me please....
I would appreciate it.
If not ~ than I guess I have to go get ...
a crazy 8 ball....
remember those?
All I want is my regular ol' life back.
Pretty please.
with sugar on top.
Healing hugs,

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Getting better as I go©

My Friends, how are you doing?
Wow is this a roller coaster ride I am on!?
But then again, aren't we all ~
unless, well, the other option is not too good.
Last time I wrote
My New Reality ©
phew ~ that was so hard to get on paper
but I needed to.
Time has passed
I have reached a new milestone
with my medication, my disease ~
10 weeks with the injection.
Being self aware
and always making observations
sometimes it seems like I am on the periphery
of my own life
When your life gives you a situation
out of your control
and you are a person who loves
to be in control
life gets confusing
and difficult
and the process of observing what is
and comparing it to what was
is overwhelming.
Unless. Unless...
I look at this as my opportunity.
WHAT? Oh, there I go.
Unless ~ somehow, this is a blessing.
Perhaps, just maybe, someone, somewhere
couldn't handle this pain.
Perhaps, just maybe, someone, somewhere
couldn't handle this fatigue.
Lord knows I have built my character
with all of my life's challenges.
But, if my inner strength, my ability
to be an optimist in the middle of hell...
If that is a way that someone is saved
by this disease.
I will learn how to handle it.
My family and friends will help.
So, my friends, am I getting better as I go?
Yeah. Better. Wiser. Stronger.
Is my pain gone? No. Fatigue gone? No.
I am just trying to figure out how to play this
hand that life has dealt me.
Healing hugs.

Friday, October 1, 2010

My New Reality ©

Hello My friends,
Here comes a poem ~
I have no idea what I am going to write
but here goes...
My new reality.
My new life.
How do you like your life?
Tough times for everyone these days.
Sure are.
My new reality includes many things
needles, chemotherapy, so much medication.
Getting used to side effects
bruises, foggy head, meds to get rid of the foggy head,
forget it ~ I don't even want to go there.
My new reality is one I have to accept
and I hate it. Yup, I said it. The optimist ~
I hate my new reality.
Not only do I have to accept it ~
I have to get used to it, abide by it, obey my body
or else.
I know what will happen if I don't ~
I see my future ~ My mom is in a nursing home
since she was 59. She still doesn't obey her body.
That can't be me. I am 43.
Lost two careers so far. Both companies said I wasn't sick.
So no money either.
At least my old reality was prosperous, so I saved.
Saved for my kids education, for my retirement.
I guess, I saved for my new reality.
My New Reality is sitting on a heating pad all day.
Not able to visit my mom, or friends, for heaven's sake.
Not supposed to do stuff around the house either, or I'll get worse.
But how much can be stripped away
Until I have nothing left. Nothing. No joy.
I pray for others every day, I pray that this process works.
The meds work. They are starting to.
I thought last week was a breakthrough. Nope.
Thank God I have a beautiful home, because I am here all the time.
I feel I limit my families life. Their new reality.
I hope my words help someone not feel alone.
Perhaps helps a loved one understand what we may not be able to express.
I have to get this out or I am afraid I will explode.
Anger is brewing, frustration, am I going to get better?
Is it worth it to take this poison shot every week, feel sick,
go backwards...only to get a little bit better?
God help me, I hope so
I just don't know how to accept
My New Reality.
Healing Hugs,