Turning over a new leaf! A brightly colored Fall Leaf!©

My friends I am writing to you today about Gratitude.

"Gratitude...an inner smile shared" ~ Alicia Aho

I am smiling today...you know why? I felt nearly normal when

I woke up...the day after Jab day!

Ok, my friends will tell you, I am a little wacky and far from

normal. But beside my goofyness, I actually made it through

a weekly injection and wasn't up all night ill from it.

Friends, I slept through the night after the poison/cure!

Almost 5 months in, and I finally made it!

Now, who knows what the week will bring, but I want you all

to never give up. I sure don't. This is the toughest damn thing

I've had to deal with, but when I lose my sense of humor...forget it.

Like my last blog...I resorted to asking the Crazy 8 ball. Sometimes

you just want answers from anything...anyone.

This is what happened to get me here today. I talked to the "Big Guy"

before giving my injection yesterday...just a little pep talk. "Please

help me jab myself and help me tolerate this stuff, and maybe have

a decent week." (Last week I barely could leave the house...I was desperate!)

I. slept. like. a. baby. Like a little baby all cozy wrapped up in a blanket

with my favorite pillows! Ahhhhhh.... I think I may have that conversation

again! What do you think? Ever tried something different when the

same ol' same ol' didn't work. I did. And it worked!

So, My friends, I write to you today with a heart full of hope. HOPE. hope.

Wow. Gratitude is an inner smile shared. Picture this chick smiling to

all of you! All day long. Maybe, just maybe, we will win this battle...

One day at a time. But we have to do it together, with attitude, support,

love, hope, grateful hearts, lots of smiles and appreciation for the little

things in life. Life is for having FUN! I LOVE HAVING FUN, goofing

off, playing games, laughing...I am not giving up who I am...no way, no how!

So today, I turned over a new leaf! Mine is from the orangey - fire red trees!

Awhh....those trees are so beautiful right now. I am going to go find one

on my healing trail and save it to represent my new attitude of GRATITUDE.

Lots of healing hugs,

Alicia

PS - write me anytime - I am here for you! Together, we will give each other

HOPE and smiles and laughter!

The varied shades of life ©

Hello my friends!

Hope you are well this week!

Autumn is in its full splendor

here in New England!

As I walk on my Healing Trail ~

everyday is a new journey.

no matter how long or short

my trip is...it is beautiful.

I've been getting a little used to

this up and down life of mine.

Kind of.

I heard someone read Dickens'

"It was the best of times...

it was the worse of times..."

I could really identify.

But to explain it ... well, I've been trying.

How am I doing?

Are you getting it?

I truly wake up everyday

and pray for the strength to be positive

to embrace whatever I have been blessed with.

To enjoy my moments...every one of them.

So far, so good.

It is a joy to shop for an hour with a friend!

To play cards with my son.

Sunday family dinners with all of us!

I am getting there!

Where, you say?

I don't know.

A little is given

A lot is taken.

I am reading "Eat Pray Love"

and there is a part about her needing to be in control.

She wants a date and time for when her situation is over.

Her friend says "you are a Control Freak"!

Yup, that is me.

I want to know when I am going to feel normal.

Ok...now I know I won't, I have a new normal...

so, when is that going to be ok?

And when can I consistently have a life?

Make plans and keep them?

Wake up and not be stiff and in pain all day?

Do yoga again and know how far I can walk?

Tell me please....

someone.

anyone.

I would appreciate it.

If not ~ than I guess I have to go get ...

a crazy 8 ball....

remember those?

Honestly...

All I want is my regular ol' life back.

Pretty please.

with sugar on top.

Healing hugs,

Alicia

Getting better as I go©

My Friends, how are you doing?

Wow is this a roller coaster ride I am on!?

But then again, aren't we all ~

unless, well, the other option is not too good.

Last time I wrote

My New Reality ©

phew ~ that was so hard to get on paper

but I needed to.

Time has passed

I have reached a new milestone

with my medication, my disease ~

10 weeks with the injection.

Being self aware

and always making observations

sometimes it seems like I am on the periphery

of my own life

When your life gives you a situation

out of your control

and you are a person who loves

to be in control

life gets confusing

and difficult

and the process of observing what is

and comparing it to what was

is overwhelming.

Unless. Unless...

I look at this as my opportunity.

WHAT? Oh, there I go.

Unless ~ somehow, this is a blessing.

Perhaps, just maybe, someone, somewhere

couldn't handle this pain.

Perhaps, just maybe, someone, somewhere

couldn't handle this fatigue.

Lord knows I have built my character

with all of my life's challenges.

But, if my inner strength, my ability

to be an optimist in the middle of hell...

If that is a way that someone is saved

by this disease.

I will learn how to handle it.

My family and friends will help.

So, my friends, am I getting better as I go?

Yeah. Better. Wiser. Stronger.

Is my pain gone? No. Fatigue gone? No.

I am just trying to figure out how to play this

hand that life has dealt me.

Healing hugs.

Alicia

My New Reality ©

Hello My friends,

Here comes a poem ~

I have no idea what I am going to write

but here goes...

My new reality.

My new life.

How do you like your life?

Tough times for everyone these days.

Sure are.

My new reality includes many things

needles, chemotherapy, so much medication.

Getting used to side effects

bruises, foggy head, meds to get rid of the foggy head,

forget it ~ I don't even want to go there.

My new reality is one I have to accept

and I hate it. Yup, I said it. The optimist ~

I hate my new reality.

Not only do I have to accept it ~

I have to get used to it, abide by it, obey my body

or else.

I know what will happen if I don't ~

I see my future ~ My mom is in a nursing home

since she was 59. She still doesn't obey her body.

That can't be me. I am 43.

Lost two careers so far. Both companies said I wasn't sick.

So no money either.

At least my old reality was prosperous, so I saved.

Saved for my kids education, for my retirement.

I guess, I saved for my new reality.

My New Reality is sitting on a heating pad all day.

Not able to visit my mom, or friends, for heaven's sake.

Not supposed to do stuff around the house either, or I'll get worse.

But how much can be stripped away

Until I have nothing left. Nothing. No joy.

I pray for others every day, I pray that this process works.

The meds work. They are starting to.

I thought last week was a breakthrough. Nope.

Thank God I have a beautiful home, because I am here all the time.

I feel I limit my families life. Their new reality.

I hope my words help someone not feel alone.

Perhaps helps a loved one understand what we may not be able to express.

I have to get this out or I am afraid I will explode.

Anger is brewing, frustration, am I going to get better?

Is it worth it to take this poison shot every week, feel sick,

go backwards...only to get a little bit better?

God help me, I hope so

I just don't know how to accept

My New Reality.

Healing Hugs,

Alicia