"There is a cure in this box" ©

Hello my friends!

Phew, we had a busy, but joyous Thanksgiving! I hope you did too!

We have much to be grateful for. You know, my friends, I truly

believe that gratitude for the small things, and big things in life,

keeps us sane, healthy and surely happier human beings. Don't you?

With this economic situation continuing for such a long time, I have

found that more people are discussing personal things with one another ~

real personal things...like "I am living paycheck to paycheck", "I don't have

health insurance", "my refrigerator is pretty sparse". One friend said to

me, "you may not have your health, but at least you have money in the bank."

Hmmm...we both shared our serious fears. I just found out my treatments

aren't working, but my company denied me again. So, after 8 months of no

pay, keeping the faith, and working on my wellness - not getting better...I have

no job, no disability pay, no choices at this moment.

But I do. I did. I chose to be grateful for what I have. My friend has her

health, but is afraid of her financial situation. I don't have my health - but

I am starting a brand new treatment! HOPE! I took my first Biologic treatment

last Saturday, and I have my future, my life, riding on the success of this medicine

that I inject in my body once a week. I wrote on the box that came last Saturday -

"There is a cure in this box!" I even got help from the Pharmaceutical company -

they paid my co-pay for six months! GRATITUDE! I didn't get sick from the

medicine! JOY! I saved that for the methotrexate I inject on Sunday nights -

but together they have the best chance of working! That is the chance I am

willing to continue to take.

So, do I lose Faith, yup. In the last 3 years, I have only been able to work full-time

9 months, but been denied disability for the other 2 1/3 years...so I have fear too.

But I get my faith back. I also have resilience, intelligence, gratitude, support and

tons of skills and creativity. I am going to figure this thing out. Some how. I have

to. You know, some people have it far worse, and figure it out. So will I. So can

you. I have children watching, friends cheering me on, my mom supporting me,

needing me now. I can't just give up. Come on now. Neither can you.

So, make a list, my friends - what are you grateful for? What CAN you do? What

makes you happy? Do it! Life is too short to wallow. Life is for living! Life is for

thriving! Yes, even if you have chronic pain, it is hard to walk, exercise, you lost your

careers, you can't keep up with your friends, it is ok. You woke up on the right side

of the daisies. Re-focus, re-group and Live your life -

I am .... I am living like

There is a cure in the box!

Healing hugs,

Alicia

So... am I lonely? ©

Hello my friends ~

As you probably have figured out

I write when I am inspired...

tonight, well...let me tell you about it.

My kids are growing up

and they are bright kids.

All they have seen of me is action...

busy, always moving, going, going, going.

My daughter used to wait up for me until 11pm

when I went to college ~ I got my B.S. when she was 5.

My son was 2.

I have always been a "career mom"

balancing both, and luckily for me

I had careers that gave me flexibility

to be able to be there for my kids

for everything.

My careers were very social ones ~

always interacting in person with lots

of people, all day long.

I worked with Presidents of companies,

HR Managers, Doctors, entire departments,

large groups and individuals. My careers introduced

me to so many interesting and diverse people.

As my careers changed, my skills developed

and I was able to be more challenged.

And busy. Very busy. Always on the go.

But that was fine ~ with my mind. Not so much

with my body.

My son and I were talking today. He said something

that has me really, I mean really thinking about it.

He said, "you know Ma, I'm sure you must be pretty

lonely and all..." what? "well, you are always in your

chair (with 2 heating pads on), working on your computer,

or reading, or watching a movie. - that seems pretty lonely

to me." whoa.

Am I lonely? You know, my family is tight, and I love

keeping our home comfy for all of us and our pets. My

extended family isn't close, so I don't have family visiting us.

Honestly, I have been truly working on getting well for nine

months now. I guess I must like myself, cuz I'm not sick of

me yet. :) I have a routine of wellness - my healing trail with

my dog and cat (and sometimes friends), yoga when I can - and

sometimes even at the studio with my peeps.

Writing is good for me. I love writing this blog. I know it

helps people from all over the globe. They tell me. That

is healing.

So, am I lonely... ~ hmmm. I am hopeful that my new meds are going

to get me mobile again. And I am always up for visits - just

know that sometimes they may be short ones.

I miss working most...but I have learned something I always knew

anyway...that if you don't have your health, you don't have anything...

and if you don't have the love of your family and friends, and pets...

well ~ then you must be one lonely person.

So nope, I'm not lonely ~

Just BORED.

Healing hugs,

Alicia

Quality vs. Quantity

Hello my friends - me again.

What is new in your life? Getting ready for the holidays?

They are coming up quick.

Lots have been happening in my life to make me ponder...

make me think of something my mom said a while ago ~

who cares about quantity of life, if you don't have quality of life.

Whoa right?

Who knew I'd know what she means at 43.

No, I haven't been given a death sentence,

nothing like that.

However, my quality of life in the last few years

has diminished to something I didn't imagine it would.

I still struggle with what my mind says I can do,

but my body screams ~ "um, no." pretty please.... "nope."

Ok.

So, I started on the journey of discovery ~ what is wrong.

Trying this med, had surgery, different doctors ~

still working and realizing that I had to choose work or living.

For a while, I had to just work. I had to pay the bills.

Then my body totally broke down.

Quality of life going to ... you know where.

Find a new doc, and he started me on harsh meds ~

zero quality of life, in the hopes of getting better.

Changed them to injection, and whala, feeling better,

but disease is still very active. Tried to get off older,

less potent drugs ~ whoa, while I was living, my RA was

thriving. I couldn't walk, sleep, move after 3 days.

Imagine if there were no meds...even with the side effects.

So now, I face a new dilemma ~ adding a new medicine.

Real side effects ~ infections are very very likely, we are

dealing directly with the bodies immune system and white

blood cells. "C" is also a very real possibility.

But, and here is where it gets tricky ~ but important...

my friends that have taken this medicine...most said

"it has changed my life" "I got my life back" "I can play

with my kids again" "I can garden" "I can go shopping"

"I have a little social life again" and even this one

"sometimes, I forget I have RA". WHOA!

QUALITY OF LIFE. vs....

Let's just stick with Quality of life. That is what I am

planning on. Taking a risk, healing my body, getting

my life back.

Wow...won't that be great. I can't wait!

Healing hugs,

Alicia

No apologies, no regrets ©

Hello my friends!

I was just watching a show where one of the gals had a surgery and was pondering her

life and said, "now I am not going to do things I used to do that didn't give me much pleasure."

One of the other women on the panel, said, that is how she always has been.

Living and doing everything like she wanted to. Like she needed to. Saying no when she

wanted to say no.

Hmmm.

How many of us feel obliged to say yes all the time? Feel guilty when we say no? I know

I have lived in this life of "if only" or "I wish". But what does that do for us? Nothing.

Adds more guilt, takes moments of our life away that could be filled with joy.

Time is precious, isn't it. I need to spend my time, my precious energy, doing exactly

what I want, what I need to do. Without guilt or remorse.

Having a chronic illness that prevents me from living the life I am planning in my mind

each day is a conundrum. However I was inspired today.

I may not, and you may not be able to live the life you planned on living - So What? We

are living, are we not? Damn! So let's make a pact, from this moment forward ~ do things

you want to do with no apologies, no regrets. If you are sick and can't make it...it is ok.

Your friends and family will understand, or not ~ it doesn't matter. If you have a good heart, your intentions are good and honest, and you are taking care of yourself, say yes to you!

Our lives will become more full, have much more joy, and we can rediscover what we are

all about. Many people go through life not being self-aware...give yourself this gift.

Healing hugs,

Alicia