"Live life on purpose ~ not by accident" ~ Alicia

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."
-- Author Unknown

"A laugh is a smile that bursts.” ~ Mary H. Waldrip

"Set your goals high and don't be deterred by those who say it is impossible." ~ Steve Fossett

"Our Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless."
Jamie Paolinetti

"A day without laughter ~ is a day wasted"
Charlie Chaplin

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

"Gratitude is an inner smile shared" ~ Alicia

Friday, November 26, 2010

"There is a cure in this box" ©

Hello my friends!
Phew, we had a busy, but joyous Thanksgiving! I hope you did too!
We have much to be grateful for. You know, my friends, I truly
believe that gratitude for the small things, and big things in life,
keeps us sane, healthy and surely happier human beings. Don't you?
With this economic situation continuing for such a long time, I have
found that more people are discussing personal things with one another ~
real personal things...like "I am living paycheck to paycheck", "I don't have
health insurance", "my refrigerator is pretty sparse". One friend said to
me, "you may not have your health, but at least you have money in the bank."
Hmmm...we both shared our serious fears. I just found out my treatments
aren't working, but my company denied me again. So, after 8 months of no
pay, keeping the faith, and working on my wellness - not getting better...I have
no job, no disability pay, no choices at this moment.
But I do. I did. I chose to be grateful for what I have. My friend has her
health, but is afraid of her financial situation. I don't have my health - but
I am starting a brand new treatment! HOPE! I took my first Biologic treatment
last Saturday, and I have my future, my life, riding on the success of this medicine
that I inject in my body once a week. I wrote on the box that came last Saturday -
"There is a cure in this box!" I even got help from the Pharmaceutical company -
they paid my co-pay for six months! GRATITUDE! I didn't get sick from the
medicine! JOY! I saved that for the methotrexate I inject on Sunday nights -
but together they have the best chance of working! That is the chance I am
willing to continue to take.
So, do I lose Faith, yup. In the last 3 years, I have only been able to work full-time
9 months, but been denied disability for the other 2 1/3 years...so I have fear too.
But I get my faith back. I also have resilience, intelligence, gratitude, support and
tons of skills and creativity. I am going to figure this thing out. Some how. I have
to. You know, some people have it far worse, and figure it out. So will I. So can
you. I have children watching, friends cheering me on, my mom supporting me,
needing me now. I can't just give up. Come on now. Neither can you.
So, make a list, my friends - what are you grateful for? What CAN you do? What
makes you happy? Do it! Life is too short to wallow. Life is for living! Life is for
thriving! Yes, even if you have chronic pain, it is hard to walk, exercise, you lost your
careers, you can't keep up with your friends, it is ok. You woke up on the right side
of the daisies. Re-focus, re-group and Live your life -
I am .... I am living like
There is a cure in the box!
Healing hugs,

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

So... am I lonely? ©

Hello my friends ~
As you probably have figured out
I write when I am inspired...
tonight, well...let me tell you about it.
My kids are growing up
and they are bright kids.
All they have seen of me is action...
busy, always moving, going, going, going.
My daughter used to wait up for me until 11pm
when I went to college ~ I got my B.S. when she was 5.
My son was 2.
I have always been a "career mom"
balancing both, and luckily for me
I had careers that gave me flexibility
to be able to be there for my kids
for everything.
My careers were very social ones ~
always interacting in person with lots
of people, all day long.
I worked with Presidents of companies,
HR Managers, Doctors, entire departments,
large groups and individuals. My careers introduced
me to so many interesting and diverse people.
As my careers changed, my skills developed
and I was able to be more challenged.
And busy. Very busy. Always on the go.
But that was fine ~ with my mind. Not so much
with my body.
My son and I were talking today. He said something
that has me really, I mean really thinking about it.
He said, "you know Ma, I'm sure you must be pretty
lonely and all..." what? "well, you are always in your
chair (with 2 heating pads on), working on your computer,
or reading, or watching a movie. - that seems pretty lonely
to me." whoa.
Am I lonely? You know, my family is tight, and I love
keeping our home comfy for all of us and our pets. My
extended family isn't close, so I don't have family visiting us.
Honestly, I have been truly working on getting well for nine
months now. I guess I must like myself, cuz I'm not sick of
me yet. :) I have a routine of wellness - my healing trail with
my dog and cat (and sometimes friends), yoga when I can - and
sometimes even at the studio with my peeps.
Writing is good for me. I love writing this blog. I know it
helps people from all over the globe. They tell me. That
is healing.
So, am I lonely... ~ hmmm. I am hopeful that my new meds are going
to get me mobile again. And I am always up for visits - just
know that sometimes they may be short ones.
I miss working most...but I have learned something I always knew
anyway...that if you don't have your health, you don't have anything...
and if you don't have the love of your family and friends, and pets...
well ~ then you must be one lonely person.
So nope, I'm not lonely ~
Healing hugs,

Friday, November 12, 2010

Quality vs. Quantity

Hello my friends - me again.
What is new in your life? Getting ready for the holidays?
They are coming up quick.
Lots have been happening in my life to make me ponder...
make me think of something my mom said a while ago ~
who cares about quantity of life, if you don't have quality of life.
Whoa right?
Who knew I'd know what she means at 43.
No, I haven't been given a death sentence,
nothing like that.
However, my quality of life in the last few years
has diminished to something I didn't imagine it would.
I still struggle with what my mind says I can do,
but my body screams ~ "um, no." pretty please.... "nope."
So, I started on the journey of discovery ~ what is wrong.
Trying this med, had surgery, different doctors ~
still working and realizing that I had to choose work or living.
For a while, I had to just work. I had to pay the bills.
Then my body totally broke down.
Quality of life going to ... you know where.
Find a new doc, and he started me on harsh meds ~
zero quality of life, in the hopes of getting better.
Changed them to injection, and whala, feeling better,
but disease is still very active. Tried to get off older,
less potent drugs ~ whoa, while I was living, my RA was
thriving. I couldn't walk, sleep, move after 3 days.
Imagine if there were no meds...even with the side effects.
So now, I face a new dilemma ~ adding a new medicine.
Real side effects ~ infections are very very likely, we are
dealing directly with the bodies immune system and white
blood cells. "C" is also a very real possibility.
But, and here is where it gets tricky ~ but important...
my friends that have taken this medicine...most said
"it has changed my life" "I got my life back" "I can play
with my kids again" "I can garden" "I can go shopping"
"I have a little social life again" and even this one
"sometimes, I forget I have RA". WHOA!
Let's just stick with Quality of life. That is what I am
planning on. Taking a risk, healing my body, getting
my life back.
Wow...won't that be great. I can't wait!
Healing hugs,

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

No apologies, no regrets ©

Hello my friends!
I was just watching a show where one of the gals had a surgery and was pondering her
life and said, "now I am not going to do things I used to do that didn't give me much pleasure."
One of the other women on the panel, said, that is how she always has been.
Living and doing everything like she wanted to. Like she needed to. Saying no when she
wanted to say no.
How many of us feel obliged to say yes all the time? Feel guilty when we say no? I know
I have lived in this life of "if only" or "I wish". But what does that do for us? Nothing.
Adds more guilt, takes moments of our life away that could be filled with joy.
Time is precious, isn't it. I need to spend my time, my precious energy, doing exactly
what I want, what I need to do. Without guilt or remorse.
Having a chronic illness that prevents me from living the life I am planning in my mind
each day is a conundrum. However I was inspired today.
I may not, and you may not be able to live the life you planned on living - So What? We
are living, are we not? Damn! So let's make a pact, from this moment forward ~ do things
you want to do with no apologies, no regrets. If you are sick and can't make it...it is ok.
Your friends and family will understand, or not ~ it doesn't matter. If you have a good heart, your intentions are good and honest, and you are taking care of yourself, say yes to you!
Our lives will become more full, have much more joy, and we can rediscover what we are
all about. Many people go through life not being self-aware...give yourself this gift.
Healing hugs,