My friends, I am sorry I haven't written
for a while.
To be honest, and I guess, that is all I am,
it was a tough December for me. I was
hoping for a cure with my new meds, but I
got a bad infection and nearly had to be hospitalized.
I truly felt what it was like to be able to die from
an infection. I was on forced bed rest before Christmas,
but, I was able to make banana bread by Christmas Eve
with my kids and participate in our Christmas Holiday
at home. Thank you God. Simple blessings.
On my birthday, right before Christmas, I found out one of
my closest friends died. We spoke nearly every day, and before
she moved, she spent holidays with our family. The real irony
is that we used to speak about gratitude. She would say, "I wish
I had a partner like you have, but you know, I need to be grateful
because I have my health, and you don't." She never knew she had
stage 4 brain cancer. She died within two weeks of a diagnosis.
And she was grateful to have her health. Hmmm. I am holding
on to a lot of sadness right now. Guilt too, I think. I was the one
with the health problems...not Carol. She was a pistol. A feisty
4'10" firecracker. Now she is my feisty angel. I am not psyched
about that.
Gratitude smatitude. Optimist smoptimist. joy smoy.
This sucks. I am doing all I can to reach out and not isolate.
I have to be the contact person on the east coast, because I am
the one who found out. We are having a celebration of her life
at my home Saturday. Phew, I am scared. Truly, I have not lost
someone like this before. Like Carol said "I still don't have my
health". When I got ill, I got off my RA meds...so now, I am the
tin man. I am going to write another blog about that...but I knew
this one was important.
So, as we look at our lives and THINK we know what is going on...
you don't. I don't. I do know, I loved my friend unconditionally,
every single day I knew her. No matter what. I only wish I were
on the west coast to be with her during her scary time.
She was grateful to have her health, and she died at 56. I don't
and I am writing this blog sitting on my heating pad.
If you don't think you have told your friends and family how
much you appreciate them, and how much you love them...
do it now. For real. Today. This moment is all we have.
Pray for my strength and I will pray for all of you.
I will write another one - perhaps today...but I had to get
this out...for me and for Carol, my feisty angel. I love you.
Healing and supportive hugs,
Alicia
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