Phew...Thank you steroids! I made it!

"A strong woman stands up for herself.  A stronger woman stands up for everyone else."  ~  Author Unknown

Hello my friends!
It has been a month since I wrote
for all of us!
What a crazy, busy, fun,
but sick and painful month it was!

Here is my quick rundown of
what I had going on...
~My daughter graduating College
an hour away~
~Celebrating afterwards
~A three hour speaking engagement
to write, publish and present as
the "Motivational Speaker"
~My cousin had an Art gallery opening
and had two night events
~getting our basement finished (construction)
and decorated, because my in-laws are coming
from England...
~that included shopping, hard tasks for people
like us.  (never a problem in the old days)
~And finally
~ my son graduated High School
and we had a gathering here to celebrate
his accomplishments!  PHEW!  What FUN!

Trust me, there are more things that I
had on my plate, but you get the picture.
Problem was, my friends, I was back in bed
again...sick.  Having a hard time walking (still am),
and just no energy.  How on earth could I
make it to my children's graduations?
Truly, I was petrified to miss them.  I have
friends with RA that have missed big events
like these - hubby's 50th, children's weddings,  etc...
we can't control our bodies.

What was I going to do?  I called all 4 docs -
Rheumy, Podiatrist, Neuro, and PCP...
All agree with my idea of getting on steroids
again.  4th time this year.  
We believe it HAS to be part of my
regimen or I will be up and down ALL.THE.TIME.

I did make it to all.of.the.events!   PHEW!

It was exhausting, painful like never before,
but so worth it!
I used to worry about the side effects of
steroids, esp. the weight!  My partner said
he loves me just the way I am inside.  He is
battling with me.  When you can't
even get out of bed now...you will take quality
over quantity...as my mom used to say.
I had a decent quality of life this month ~
and it was filled with JOY!
and FEAR!

Those with RA know why...I constantly feared
would I be able to make the graduations?
Would I be able to fufill my speaking engagement?
blah, blah, blah.

So, I have decided to add a little something to my
business cards ~ "The Sneaker Speaker!" HA!
Hey, we have to laugh...our lives are tough, so tough.

I am hoping that this blog brings you a little understanding,
a little hug, a little smile, and most of all ~ knowing that
someone else in this big world is walking in your shoes...
I mean sneakers ~ representing us the best I can.

Healing hugs,
Alicia

My New Reality ©

Hello My friends,

Here comes a poem ~

I have no idea what I am going to write

but here goes...

My new reality.

My new life.

How do you like your life?

Tough times for everyone these days.

Sure are.

My new reality includes many things

needles, chemotherapy, so much medication.

Getting used to side effects

bruises, foggy head, meds to get rid of the foggy head,

forget it ~ I don't even want to go there.

My new reality is one I have to accept

and I hate it. Yup, I said it. The optimist ~

I hate my new reality.

Not only do I have to accept it ~

I have to get used to it, abide by it, obey my body

or else.

I know what will happen if I don't ~

I see my future ~ My mom is in a nursing home

since she was 59. She still doesn't obey her body.

That can't be me. I am 43.

Lost two careers so far. Both companies said I wasn't sick.

So no money either.

At least my old reality was prosperous, so I saved.

Saved for my kids education, for my retirement.

I guess, I saved for my new reality.

My New Reality is sitting on a heating pad all day.

Not able to visit my mom, or friends, for heaven's sake.

Not supposed to do stuff around the house either, or I'll get worse.

But how much can be stripped away

Until I have nothing left. Nothing. No joy.

I pray for others every day, I pray that this process works.

The meds work. They are starting to.

I thought last week was a breakthrough. Nope.

Thank God I have a beautiful home, because I am here all the time.

I feel I limit my families life. Their new reality.

I hope my words help someone not feel alone.

Perhaps helps a loved one understand what we may not be able to express.

I have to get this out or I am afraid I will explode.

Anger is brewing, frustration, am I going to get better?

Is it worth it to take this poison shot every week, feel sick,

go backwards...only to get a little bit better?

God help me, I hope so

I just don't know how to accept

My New Reality.

Healing Hugs,

Alicia